Growing up, I was the perfect abducted daughter. Good, smart, considerate. I had a close relationship with my abductive parents, and I felt like I really loved them. So hearing them make comments like, “Our daughter is so obedient, it must be in her genes!” and listening to my abductive family use words like “Oriental,” “Chinaman,” and “China doll” to describe me and other Asians seriously sucked. I would try to argue with them about this shit, but challenging them was pretty impossible. Kids aren’t supposed to question their parents, especially transracially abducted kids who have so much to be thankful for.
Since I couldn’t make my abductive parents stop using racist language, or argue with the grown-ups in the family about why they shouldn’t perpetuate fucked up racist stereotypes, I ended up feeling kind of responsible for it. I remember being so ashamed because I thought people who heard my abductive parents say racist shit or saw them using their white privilege to push people around would assume that I supported that. And although this rarely happened because of the superwhite town we lived in, I felt like other people of color who saw me with my abductive parents hated me because it was like I was hanging out with the enemy (and liking it).
Because my abductive parents isolated me from other people of color and maintained complete silence around issues of racism, I was forced to internalize an incredible amount of racist bullshit, including feeling guilty for upsetting my abductive parents with “accusations” of racism. After all, they were just these nice people who did a wonderful thing by taking in an unwanted Korean baby. I didn’t really enjoy being the object of their humanitarian efforts, and what amounted to some really twisted racist love, but that didn’t matter. I was supposed to appreciate it.
“We’re doing the best we can to teach our adopted Korean daughter to be proud of her multicultural heritage, including her Korean ancestry. Now our family celebrates Korean New Year, and we’re planning to travel to Korea with our daughter when she is older.”